Healthy relationships are something we all aspire to be a part of. But unfortunately, many relationships find themselves enduring something far less satisfying and sacrificial, and instead, far more damaging. Verbal and emotional abuse sneak into relationships with stealth and cunning. Verbal and emotional abuse are the silent demons of the triad of abuses. While physical abuse can be equally as damaging and no less severe, verbal and emotional abuse is a way to manipulate, demean, humiliate, and control the victim.
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While this list is by no means comprehensive, the picture it paints is one that, if outside looking in, we would most likely send up danger signals to anyone entering or entertaining such relationship traits as acceptable behavior.
If the abuse is more blatant, such as derogatory name-calling or outright insulting criticism, it too may be excused as deserved, based in truth, or somehow justified because of the circumstances.
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Much of the underlying skeleton of verbal and emotional abuse looks the same from dating and into marriage. The differences though, may be even harder to identify after years of succumbing to such abuse. While in a dating relationship, these tendencies may be easier to see and remove oneself from, in a marriage, this type of abuse can take years to form.
It can also have dire effects if children are introduced into the equation. The victim will often accept the abuse as a necessary evil in order to offer protection and shielding for their offspring, thus perpetuating and allowing the abuse to continue.
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First and foremost, the victim will need to recognize that they are, in fact, a victim of an abusive relationship. Boundaries are important.
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If a person finds themselves in a verbally or emotionally abusive relationship, they will need to define their boundaries and also communicate these to the abuser.
Drawing a line with the abuser that while concerns can be expressed and heard, and potential problems may be identified and brought to question, personal insult and attack is not acceptable, nor will it be tolerated.
Do they compliment what you value? Do they reinforce your values? Recognize toxic manipulation and poisonous words and call them out as unacceptable.
Be willing to remove yourself from the relationship. In the next 24 hours, you will receive an email to confirm your subscription to receive emails related to AARP volunteering. Once you confirm that subscription, you will regularly receive communications related to AARP volunteering.
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