Skip to content. I have been friends with a guy who has spina bifida for a while now, and recently, things took a turn for the better - we are just starting a relationship. I know that he has sensation below his waist, and can get an erection, but I wondered if there is anything about how his disability will affect our sex life. I am anxious for it to be pleasing for both of us, and although we are open enough for me to ask him questions, I would like to go in prepared so to speak! Is there anything that will be able to help me in making sure that the first time for us won't be awkward, uncomfortable or downright crap?! You deserve to be commended for taking such a mature approach to your budding relationship! Spina bifida SB or no SB, responsible and caring sexual partners take time to talk through difficult issues, such as preferences and expectations.
When you meet someone in a bar or are introduced by friends, your prospective date is immediately aware of your disability and has the opportunity to decide in that moment if they want to continue with this particular interaction. When you meet someone online, unless your profile picture or blurb states that you are disabled or shows a crutch or wheelchair, there is a very significant piece of information yet to be shared with your prospective date.
Different people hold different opinions about how best to deal with this scenario. Broadly speaking, there are three options:.
Jul 28, Dear Alice, I have been friends with a guy who has spina bifida for a while now, and recently, things took a turn for the better - we are just starting a relationship. I know that he has sensation below his waist, and can get an erection, but I wondered if there is anything about how his disability will affect our sex life. I am anxious for it to be pleasing for both of us. Women with Spina Bifida have the potential for latex allergy, so non-latex condoms should be used unless they have tested negative for latex allergy. Folic acid supplementation. Women with Spina Bifida are at a low increased risk of having children with Spina Bida. When Googling "spina bifida" a plethora of information appears on your screen and in truth, paints a picture that is alarming and not true to my experiences. Although my spina bifida is severe, I manage to adapt many activities to be able to participate in some way, be it slightly modified or very modified.
This for me was not an option. Having been on the receiving end of that split second recoil and look of shock followed by the awkward silence when standing up and reaching for my crutches after having been chatted up at a bar, I feel this is a bad idea.
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Furthermore, I really do not feel that it would be fair to the guy that I was meeting, as it immediately puts him in an unfairly awkward situation. This is something I tried early on in my online dating adventure and controversially I must admit that it was not my favorite option!
Although my spina bifida is severe, I manage to adapt many activities to be able to participate in some way, be it slightly modified or very modified. But, when presented only with the results of a Google search, it can be off-putting for an individual who knows no better!
Sharing your disability status candidly with your potential date leaves you wide open to being asked a whole variety of questions ranging from the sensible to the downright weird: I have heard them all!
The topic of disability can certainly bring out the weird folk. This is by far my preferred option. Knowing my date is already aware that I have some sort of disability is reassuring, as I know I will not be faced with immediate shock!
It avoids making the first 10 minutes of meeting even more awkward than they already would be, and allows me the opportunity to explain my condition to someone in person. Hopefully when someone meets me, they will realize that despite my disability, I have an awful lot to offer and can be quite good fun!
I can wholeheartedly vouch for the success of this option, with all guys I went on a date with telling me that they appreciated my honesty prior to meeting up, and if they were successful in securing a second date, telling me that Googling spina bifida is scary!
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Regardless of how you go about this initial disclosure or lack of disclosurethe real fun and games begins when you start going out on dates with the individuals you have been talking to. I have been fortunate to meet some truly lovely guys who have been kind, gentle and funny, who although we were not meant to be, showed me a really good time and treated me kindly.
Bowel leakage can be quickly cleaned away with a moist towel so it does not get into the vagina. The vagina and sex organs can also be affected by Spina Bifida.
Sexual arousal may not always induce vaginal lubrication. Thus, it is important to have a lubricant available for the man and the woman to use.
Women with Spina Bifida can have happy, healthy sexual relationships, with or without intercourse. Pregnancy is possible for almost all women with Spina Bifida so appropriate contraception is strongly recommended if pregnancy is not currently desired. Because of changes in the pelvic nerves and muscles, pregnancy for women with Spina Bifida is more challenging than in the general population and should be managed by a gynecology team skilled in high-risk deliveries whenever possible.
Dating with spina bifida
Pregnant women with Spina Bifida should also see their urologist and neurosurgeon in addition to their gynecology team to make sure the pregnancy is not adversely affecting their shunt or kidneys. Women with Spina Bifida have most of the same options for birth control as the general population.
Spina Bifida and Dating... Is It Possible? - CC
One medical concern is latex condoms. Women with Spina Bifida have the potential for latex allergy, so non-latex condoms should be used unless they have tested negative for latex allergy. Women with Spina Bifida are at a low increased risk of having children with Spina Bida.
Because half of all pregnancies are unplanned, any woman with Spina Bida who is having sex should take 4 milligrams of folic acid supplementation every day before becoming pregnant, and throughout the rest trimester of pregnancy. Urinating before and after sex will also help to prevent UTIs.
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Some people with SB are less able to experience orgasms. In preparation for this possibility, it might be a good idea to talk this through with your partner.
If this is an issue, you could both try to hone in on other bodily sensations instead of focusing only on the elusive "big bang. As such, you may want to look for latex-free condoms if you chose to use condoms to protect against pregnancy and transmission of many sexually transmitted infections STIs.
You specified your partner has sensation below his waist and can get an erection.
If, in the future, you ever find that he has difficulty getting and sustaining an erection, there are many options available to help, such as medication, vacuum devices, and internal prostheses. It is a good idea to use lots of water-soluble lube to prevent sores and irritated skin.
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Your sensitivity to your partner and sexual awareness exude sexual self-confidence, which should lay the foundation for mutual enjoyment and pleasure.
With all of this know-how and planning, the stage should be set for good times.
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