Living in Austin is pretty much paradise, but dating in Austin? In fact, even the term dating might be a little generous. The inevitable breakup: After suffering through six weeks of lectures on the evils of gluten, you finally snap when he makes a passive aggressive comment about your croutons at the Central Market salad bar. After getting kicked out of a grocery store, you mutually decide to go your separate ways him hitting the barbells Then you enjoy carbs guilt-free for the first time since your first date, and do the totally natural, totally mature thing: pray he gets fat.
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Both areas are open until 10pm for late night swims, and Zilker Park is a perfect place for a lovely picnic. Many well-known bands come though Austin each week and many of the venues on 6th Street pride themselves in hosting to only authentic blues. There are many traditional rock bands that come through this area, but one can also find swing, rockabilly, punk and indie.
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After months fantasizing about cutting off his dreads, you decide to just cut your losses and turn him loose. He seems upset, but not hang-himself-with-his-slackline upset, and - for karma purposes - you anonymously send him a stick of Degree via Amazon Prime as a parting gift.
The first date: Coffee during your lunch break. The Inevitable Breakup: You worry like you jumped into this new job and relationship really quickly, and frankly you feel pretty unfulfilled in both. The first date: Sure, there was technically some cash exchanged, but that magical moonlit ride through downtown that brought you two together was strangely sensual, and you insist on labeling it as date - namely, to justify the fact you totally banged him in the pedicab warehouse later that night.
Somewhat disappointed, you take solace in the fact that, at the very least, his calf muscles have probably lost some serious definition.
Lindsay left her affluent family behind in Dallas to pursue a job in PR that she got from an affluent friend of said affluent family. Although she lives in the kind of massive, shiny, recently erected concrete box that you constantly complain about, her pretentiousness is kind of cute.
Plus you heard her place has a really sick pool. After passing a panhandler, Lindsay launches into a minute rant on how the homeless just need to work hard like the rest of us.
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You first cross paths on the sidewalk outside Krave where, in the blue-lit glow, he thrusts a neon-hued leaflet advertising some party into your hand.
He texts you at 4am and, half-conscious, you agree to go out with him. Upon his insistence, you take a few shots of whipped cream-flavored vodka before heading out. You end up at a sleazy spot with no discernible name, and he initiates an elaborate handshake-hug interaction with every individual working there and then orders multiple rounds of shots consisting of whiskey and, based on the look and taste, green poison.
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The inevitable breakup: When you forget to answer a text one Tuesday, he accuses you of using him for free drinks. When the furious typing pauses for a moment, you cautiously approach and ask if you can share a table so you can plug in your laptop.
You end up chatting, and it turns out you two have a lot in common: a passion for travel, a love of Kafka and Kerouac, and, of course, crippling amounts of student debt.
The inevitable breakup: All the cultural and intellectual stimulation eventually transitions from exciting to exhausting and while, yeah, you like books, sometimes you just want to talk basketball.
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While his social skills are less than legendary, making six figures right out of college has bestowed upon him a cool confidence that belies the fact that he lost his virginity approximately a week ago.
He thinks of himself as the next Mark Zuckerberg, and you willingly plug your number into one of his three iPhones. The first date: Ignoring that he makes an absurd amount of money, he convinces you to meet at the office of the startup where he works to take advantage of the stocked beer fridge. You put back a few while sitting in beanbag chairs, let him feel you up in one of the company nap pods, and wonder if the NDA you signed at the door prohibits you from talking about this experience later.
Sarah, 27 Neighborhood: Based on all the apps, four-miles away from you.
After matching on OKCupid, Tinder, Hinge, Happn, and Bumble, you decide that fate or at least some seriously effective algorithms make actually meeting this chick a necessity - for process-of-elimination purposes, at the very least.
Despite this news, the date goes surprisingly well - as one in 10 Internet-initiated dates tend to - and she invites you back to her place located conveniently around the block to listen to that band you both love.
It ends, uh, the same way one in 10 Internet-initiated dates tend to. A few months later, you hear through the grapevine that she found Jesus The first date: A tailgate, obviously.
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A few hours, a frightening amount of Fireball, and way-too-many Pitbull songs later, you paddle your way over to her noodle, where you enjoy a sloppy makeout session surrounded by floating empty beer cans.
For a date destination, she suggests Twin Peaks, and when you arrive and are greeted by a chorus of girls squealing " Crystalllllllll!!!!!!!!!! Dustin, 30 Neighborhood: Travis Heights