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I know every article on the internet tells you to run from borderline women, but I do things differently around these parts. My relationship history is full of attractive BPD women. A decade of drama and chaos to put it lightly. But, I made it out alive and have managed to remain amazing friends with many women who most likely have BPD. I have dated dozens and dozens of women over the years.

Shortly after the suicide I discovered she was cheating on me with a co worker. Real loser. But one of her friends must have said he was hot so she had to have him.

Apr 19,   Paddy is in love. Nine months into their relationship, he and his girlfriend have moved past the early days of butterflies and uncertainty and have begun developing a true bond, the kind that begins to take hold when you become familiar with each other, learn each other's rhythms, and begin to truly see each other. "There have been times where I have been so infatuated and so blissfully Author: Elisabet Kvarnstrom. Nov 06,   Borderline personality disorder embodies a most poignant paradox: Sufferers yearn for closeness, but their attempts to fill the emptiness inside drive away those most dear. The stability of a. Jun 13,   Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a condition that affects the way a person processes everyday emotions and reactions. People with BPD are often impulsive and emotionally unstable. They may.

Typical BPD. He was her new knight in shining armor and I was painted black. Dove right into self destroying behavior. Felt responsible for the breakup. Then I learned about BPD. Started seeing a therapist which helps a lot and went full No Contact.

Absolutely the best thing I ever did.

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Going to the gym and feeling good about myself finally. So I know there is hope. The whole relationship with incredible mood swings, pure rage, constantly being accused of cheating. Anyone thinking about leaving oneRUN. There is no fixing one and life is too short to invest one more minute with one. Especially once they have painted you black. These people destroy you for sport. Mine truly hates me.

All the initial love and adoration turned to pure hate. She said one time when I was laying my head on her lap that she had an uncontrollable urge to stab me in the eye. Big fun. Anyone reading this that is still with one. Go NC. And start recovering. I stumbled upon all of these BPD websites looking for comfort and answers. I would consider him a waif BPD. He suffered a stroke years ago, and although fully recovered, still uses it for sympathy. He definitely reeled me in with overwhelming attention and I was so impressed by his story of survival and ability to compensate post stroke.

Of course I was the first woman he ever trusted and felt intimacy with, boy I felt special And then the madness ensued. Everything we did was always on his terms. He blows hot one minute, and ice cold the next. Real or perceived health issues always took precedence, so I was leary to complain about mood swings or outbursts.

He always apologized, wanted me to stay with him on this journey to his self improvement. Always blamed the new med he was on. Although he has no real friends and is estranged at best from his family, he still chose to walk away from me. Out of nowhere. He still will text, even though I do not go out of my way to contact him. I do answer, but I keep it on point and brief.

I am wracked with guilt that he truly has no one. I tell him that I am praying for him. Most are on meds that blunt their feelings and alter their personalities to a point of being zombies.

I now see that my ex uses his past medical issues to get attention, and he tries desperately to overcompensate for what he feels he lacks. In a way, it seems that he feels a strange comfort in isolation, or not being in a position to fail. He has admitted to this.

To me it feels helpless, like he is drowning, wants rescued, but then throws himself back in. I have encouraged therapy, but he has trust issues. I no longer hold out hope for a healthy relationship. I have left myself open to him for support.

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Each situation I read about is unique, yet we all are left with the similar feelings of absolute emotional exhaustion. Support of each other is huge.

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Thank you to everyone who shares their experiences in these difficult relationships. I am in a very similar boat. I am having a hard time with the girl that broke up with me July 25th of last year and has had 0 communication with me since that day.

I think she has Paranoid Personality Disorder as well too. We had a beautiful relationship, as we had no contact for like 2. I email her to find out she just got out of an abusive relationship from being raped and what not, and left to be homeless from her mom when she went to her for help. We started out as great friends, then it just led to a relationship and she moved in with me.

She suffers from terrible untreated seizures - those really bad ones. I got her great healthcare and really wanted to be prince charming. A year goes by and she starts to really change. We have our first fight over something stupid, I let her throw her fit and what not until she directly attacks my person which causes me to argue back I yell really loud but then I walk away to cool off.

We make up few weeks go by she goes on another crazy fit. We argue again I throw a water bottle at my TV only after she attacks me personally again never over what shes mad about but just really degrading me.

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She is also a bad alcoholic and former meth addict btw. A month goes by and her personality is nothing even close to what it was when we were friends and decided to become more.

At this point my closest friends and family have really noticed how more caring and dedicated I have become to her, she is now also back in contact with her mom whom threw her out and made her homeless. I have convinced her to try and start a relationship back up with her mom over the course of the first part of Her mom is very religious and judgemental to those who are not. We go to bed she wants me to tickle her back, which I do but then I try to make it up to her for the fighting and get a little more.

She is like naw I dont feel like it but I can still pleasure you another way. Get some of your things and maybe go stay with a friend for a few days because we seem to just fight and maybe we can figure something out after a few days. Seems like it was the easiest thing in the world for her to do. It has costed me 2 jobs and put me into a massive depression.

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She was the first women I ever thought about being the 1, the first women I was ok changing and compromising my way of life for because I loved her that much to do so. It has really ruined my life these past months since this all happened. I read all your comments and it makes me feel sad that all the traits that you said speak so much about me and as if it were all my ex boyfriends combined who I was dumped with, 3 men already who were talking to me.

I need 6 mos more to complete.

opinion you

Yes, it might be too normal for you guys: all the rage, all the anger and sudden burst of extreme emotions but we have so much empathy. We are capable of loving.

But our minds are just too preoccupied between who to listen: emotions or logic. Emotions always lead to guilt. But underlying that emotion? Is so many many issues deep down like fear of abandonment.

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We love you the companion so much that we fear of losing you. Because like me, I have an impulsivity on spending. I had my ex who financed me literally. Im usually paranoid about men because i fear on losing them.

In the end, we are capable of loving. We have so much empathy. But the reason it started off as good was because we would do everything to make it work we are charming, we are a person full of masks at first in starting a relationship but we tend to lose it in the end as we invest more emotions. At the end of the day, we just need you to not leave us by our side. LegitDramaQueen: good for you that you got diagnosed and are trying to change something. I think most BPDs fail to stay in therapy.

I think the first six months after the breakup, I was still secretly looking at pictures my ex posted. I had also financed her and helped her get some money and I saw her with all of this new clothes and basically 2 weeks after she left me I think it also confused me that she left me in the end, because I think its more common that BPDs are leftshe must have started sleeping with this other girl.

Actually she is not particularly pretty which makes me feel better haha but she is constantly posting pictures of my ex and writes comments about how hot she is. And I think my ex needed that constant attention and validation. Actually, I always had the feeling that she is always willing to sleep with whoever gives her the most validation in a radius of 20 miles. We had done long distance at one point and several members of my family passed away in a short period of time.

Instead of being there for me, that was when she cheated on me for the first time. Thanks for that! I am quite sure now that it was not the only time because towards the end she insisted on going to parties alone, etc. And I think these two things actually broke me the most: a the cheating and b the exhaustion from trying again and again even after the cheating, even after being accused of cheating, which I never did, even after being yelled at and still investing money.

I realized that I was really numb for the first six months after the relationship. I was so deeply exhausted. I needed to save myself. Partners often have post-traumatic stress disorders from the trauma and exhaustion. And I have to say this has helped me a lot. It has allowed me to see that there will never be a way back.

I tell myself that this girl who is commenting how hot she is will soon feel the effects of her fear of abandonment, her intense jealousy, and her distorted world view.

Blocking her entirely has helped me to look forward and to focus on my own life and not to compare my life to what she portrays hers to be on social media which I think is always a problem with us co-dependent partners - the own emptiness. Just ended it after three years My ex is so destoryed She just sleeps with everyone lies cheats drugs abuse. We have been very intimate in only a short week which is probably my fault.

She just opened up to me that she has BPD and I am very scared. Deep down I think that I should run, but she pleases me sexually. She seems to be exactly like me but after reading a bunch of traits of BPD she might just be mimicking me. She says that all her exes were assholes but im starting to think that they realized that she was crazy.

Shes infatuated with me and i really like her and havent seen anything bad about her yet but im afraid of whats to cone. I have been in turmoil the last few weeks and have come to the devastating conclusion that I must break with my suspected BPD partner. I have completely lost all self-respect and sense of self, feeling lost and trapped at the same time.

I believe I now reflect his own behaviour as I find myself on the edge of psychosis. It is heartbreaking to think that he has little chance of living a happy life - I believe he may also have anosygnosia and therefore treatment you have to acknowledge something is wrong first is unlikely. Interesting to hear from diagnosed BPDs on here. I can see exactly why people feel used. Tell me, if you loved someone, would you do that to them?

I would never. All of the above has been intentional from him, conscious or not. He knows that if he acts up, he gets attention, as a toddler does. My bad for accepting it all. Not anymore. I would never be the drowning man holding someone down, and to expect someone to go through all of this abuse because you need them is fudamentally wrong, even if you have a mind-warping BPD.

I understand. I do not condone it. Will, three months of no contact means no contact for three months, period. My close girlfriend just broke up w her BPD boyfriend of a year.

Do I have to worry about her safety? Is this behavior something that will subside? Is this something she should seek a restraining order for? Is she in danger of retaliation for breaking up w him? Dear Lucy above. Thank you so much for that comment. BPD is an incredible illness to suffer through. There is a very real reason for our suicide rates being so high.

And a lot of these comments are very triggering. It scares me to think of how many forums like this ultimately caused some of those suicides.

As much as I sympathize for those who have been hurt, their comments are very dangerous. I am glad that people like you take a moment to intervene. Your comment could very well be the one that stops someone on the brink. So again, thank you for dropping your thoughts.

Dating borderline girlfriend

Your offering of empathy and support could very well save a life. I wish you all the best. Space when he wanted space, encouraging words, comfort, I even sent food to his house after he said there was nothing in.

The second I need time or support or even a hug I get nothing from him. I worry about him but he does seem to always land on his feet. He made no real effort to fight for me or us and just said he knew he was rotten to the core and I deserve better.

My heart is pretty much broken now. I do however understand feelings and emotions, depression, anxiety and emptyness. The empathy I have for him and you knows no bounds. It kills me to see him in such pain knowing there is nothing I can say or do that helps. Knowing there is a lot he can say or do to help my pain yet he chooses not to hurts. I wish you well. I was in a 12 month relationship with my now ex, who I later realised suffered from BPD.

She sounded so convincing and I was drawn in. I felt sorry for her as she was such a nice person, loving, caring and loved life. Everyone saw her as this great person. We began dating and within a few months there were signs of jelousy. I treated her better than a princess, cards, gifts, flowers, meals, wrote her poems, sung romantic songs and many many other things.

She told me she loved me and that I was the best think that ever happened to her. And that we would be together forever. I was in tears hearing this for the 5th time in 12 months. Buf was sucked in by her charm and behaviour. But no one ever asked as she appears so charming and credible. I tried and tried and tried and suffered so much pain, anger, verbal abuse constantly, it took its toll on me, and made me a completely different person.

She ended the relationship 2 months ago but floats back into my life causes issues then floats out again.

VALERIE PORR - What It's Like to Love Someone with BPD

She lost her job last month after doing the job 7 years she committed career suicide in that she verbally and agressivly attacked her manager. I loved her so much and it took me a while to get over it, but i got over it. It hurst so so badly. I love her and miss her but had to let her go as the impact on me was terrible.

And made me into a broken person. But this experience is like no other and will destroy you. I miss her so much and would love nothing more than to hold her close and look after her forever. And because I stayed to support her, after all the abuse she gave and the way she treated me. And she would have felt better as her abandonment issues came true. I hugged her and held her close and she just cried and cried and cried. I was completely heartbroken and am only just getting over it.

In the past She tried to make out that I was the bad guy but people can now see through her and have disengaged with her. My Bpd girlfriend has just dumped me again for about the th time in 5yrs. How can I possibly make her happy or show her how much I love her. When she has spent the last 4yrs leaving me without shedding a tear as if I mean less than nothing to her.

When less than a week ago she was telling me she loved me to only leave me 5 days later how can you possibly treat someone with love and affection and make her feel secure when she makes me feel like that. When all I need is the tiniest bit of reassurance that she does actually love and care about me.

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I hate myself for still loving her and wanting her to stay with me when I know full well she will just distance herself from me and hurt me more and more. Unfortunately I have to see this girl twice a day : what a mess. My first reaction upon meeting him was that he was on the Autism Spectrum - so many different quirks!

His family circumstances left him homeless and living on the streets at 17 years old and, even though they were no longer dating, my girl asked me to help him. He is a wonderful kid. He is also an infuriating, maddening conundrum. He has hurt and confused so many people in his short life but he is also hurting inside in ways I cannot even begin to imagine. The key to understanding is education. Both for him and the people who care about him. Believe me that; however much shit BPD sufferers put us through it is nothing compared to the disgust, self loathing and remorse they live with every day.

The desire to die - to to not want to actually kill themselves but, paradoxically, not want to live either is something that is almost impossible to understand. Many people have been scarred by their interactions with someone with BPD, my own daughter included, but as a family we have found that, by educating ourselves and encouraging treatment for the sufferer, it is possible to forgive, empathise and understand without hate or blame.

My BDP boy is now one of the most important figures in our lives. I just got out of a relationship with an undiagnosed BPD about 2 weeks ago, after being together for 1. She is already started the cycle over and attached herself onto a new person.

At first I was hurt. My thought was wow, that was quick. And I began to have the flood of insecurity that I was not enough for her.

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I took a few minutes, called my mom and put things back into perspective. I have to look at her moving on fast as a symptom of the disease. So I shifted my thinking to say, would I really want to be with someone who is going to do that. Say I love you a week before and want kids and get married, and then the next be broken up, and the next be on to the next. That is not the kind of person that I want to be with, because you are constantly in a state of untrust.

And I, nor anyone deserves that.

not pleasant

I still love my ex very much, and the wound is very fresh, and a bit of salt has been put in it, however it is very freeing in a way. It allows me to really let go, and know that this is a cycle that will continue, and where she left off with me, she will pick up with someone else, and so on. You are only violating your boundaries for yourself, and setting yourself up for failure.

I just wanna say thank you for your stories in regard to those who are bpd diagnosed and those who are or who have dealt with those who have bpd. This has tremendously helped me understand and cope with closure in a way. When we first started dating everything felt to good to be true. Like it was a fairytale. She told me I was everything she could ever imagine. Let me not leave this out - she actually had a gf at the time she met me but encouraged me that it was ending and she mentally checked out of the relationship at one point.

Then apologized after I found out. This woman was a sweetheart no doubt but she had ghost like behavior and would then justify it because of her bpd and issues in life. The main idea is that she lied to me and told me I was her everything and she would never hurt me again. I look at this as a lesson learned although it sucks because I saw myself long term with this person and despite her issues, she treated me better than any other woman has.

Better now than never. He is not diagnosed yet as he refuses to admit he has a lot of anger issues and he seems to be starting to be controlling and just all the traits of a normal person with borderline personality disorder I should know I have it.

Like I said I do dearly love him the feelings I have for him are real but I feel suffocated. When anyone mentions the fact that he seems controlling he goes into a rage sometimes sometimes he just gets upset and he denies all of it.

I broke up mutual decision with someone who had many of the traits of BPD. I was fine with it for a few months, then when I realized there had been no contact she had children I had grown close toit set in that five years of my life were a toxic illusion. But the experience has left me shell shocked and empty - and it has been six months with only a couple of emails back and forth breaking the no-contact. The BPD responded to both as if we had dated 10 years ago and that her life was great her entire family situation and life was a royal mess just months earlier, mind you.

Not sure what was holding me back every time my brain told me to sprint, not just run. Seems like he was smart enough to get out after years of misery, even though he was losing his kids.

Four years later, she was still taking her husband to court and stalking him. Seems like she never got over him and I was a rebound - typical of BPD people. Had few friends despite living near where she grew up. Most friends were casual acquantances from her places of employment who she called close friends. I never met many of them over the course of five years. While she may not have been visibly suicidal, a cutter or made public scenes high functioning BP the misery any level of these vampires cause makes you a zombie by the end of the relationship and makes you wonder about your own sanity and judgement for months after it finally is over.

My opinion for everyone: run!!!!! A BPD person can destroy your life. I have date one, my bad, the big mistake of my life he can acuse you for some shit that you never heard or seen ever they are the most dangerous people. My ex wife has BPD and we have been seperate for two years now.

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The first couple of years were good but then after that, it was chaos. She was a compulsive liar, addicted to shopping and spent thousands and thouasands of dollars behind my back.

She faked cancer twice and went to extreme lengths to convince myself and family that she was undergoing treatment. The last two years has been the hardest of my life and we have two young children.

All she ever wants to do is be better than what she is. Thank you to every one on here i split up with my ex boyfreind with bpd 6 weeks ago i am still mortified to thw point i need councilling ,when does this get better i wish i had jnown about this early on on our relationship maybe it would of been different,one thing i realise though is i could never of loved him enough to him and in the endcsadly i had to end it because i was in to much pain with his constant need for drama ,and it would help if you kissed mw more well it appears we must of been in different relationships because I did all that nothing would of ever been enough.

Good luck to every body this is so hard even after 6 weeks x.

What if the the person with BPD was being abused in some way or cheated on. I am someone who has dated people who have done a number of things during our relationship such as: cheating, ditching, gossiping, gaslighting, and general abuse.

I am open and honest with everyone I date. Unfortunately the view that there is nothing they can do and that we are basically incapable of change gives them the okay to scapegoat and blame the person with bpd as the sole cause of every issue in a relationship. You could expect that you would initially feel misunderstood and helpless, and then as time went on you might lose your shit.

Like many human beings I have messed up in my relationships, but I can recognize the times I went wrong and the times when I was just outright abused.

Instead of focusing on how horrible that person that you dated who was suffering from a horrible, debilitating, and damning mental illness, perhaps you could focus on what you can learn?

If you want to date someone with bpd.

Jul 03,   Dating a man with Borderline Personality Disorder With all these difficulties that come with loving someone with Borderline Personality Disorder, why would you want to date a man who has it? First, it's important to remember that despite these intense and disruptive symptoms, people with BPD are frequently good, kind, and caring individuals. Oct 26,   Kristina Tripkovic. So you just broke up with your borderline ex-partner (who suffers from borderline personality disorder, that is). Like a regular breakup, you're probably feeling all types of. Dating can be a complex and tricky endeavor. Relationships require work, compromise, communication, empathy, and understanding. Things become even more complicated if you are dating someone with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).

Learn about the illness through legitimate sources and find ways to help. Also understand that no matter how trivial or stupid or ridiculous you think their feelings are that what they experience is real and as a human being that is part of a relationship they deserve compromise too. Lewis, my situation sounds so similar to the one you had. Prior to that, I noted many our the observations in the relationship that you have made regarding your own relationship.

It is some how reassuring to know that others have had a similar experience. He was abusive both emotionally and physically to his wife of 20 years but always claims to friends, family and myself that he was the victim.

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Having experienced his rages and the emotional abuse, I think she was the victim and perhaps became physical in effort to protect herself. I never was allowed to meet his ex-wife during our relationship as he never introduced us despite numerous opportunities to do so. I connected with his ex-wife after he abruptly broke up with me and started dating someone else the very next day.

She has conveyed emotional, physical, and psychological abuse over the years they were together. He had a girlfriend prior to me who supposedly broke up with him and he was devastating and claimed he had no insight as to why it ended between them. He was aware and seemed to lack an insight into why they did this. In addition, he choose to break off the relationship with me on the day that he knew was emotionally trying for me ie divorce court day of a long and drawn out divorce due to assets in the marriage.

Is that a common ploy of someone with BPD when they break-up with someone in order to completely shatter someone that had truly cared for them? Still searching for answers so that I can heal and move on as I am not certain I am ready to put my heart and trust out there again.

My gf of 12 years has BPD plus a combination of other mental disorders. Learn the best ways to manage stress and negativity in your life. Psychological therapies for people with borderline personality disorder. Cochrane Database Syst Rev.

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Childhood sexual abuse in adult patients with borderline personality disorder. Ind Psychiatry J. J Pers Disord. Pregnancies, abortions, and births among women with and without borderline personality disorder. Womens Health Issues. Sexual behavior in borderline personality: a review. Innov Clin Neurosci. Borderline personality disorder. National Institute of Mental Health. Yeomans F, Levy K. Elsevier Health Sciences. Olabi B, Hall J.

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Borderline personality disorder: current drug treatments and future prospects. Ther Adv Chronic Dis. Borderline personality disorder symptoms and newlyweds' observed communication, partner characteristics, and longitudinal marital outcomes.

J Abnorm Psychol. More in BPD. Starting a Relationship. Making a Relationship Last. Managing a Relationship. Breaking Up. View All. Was this page helpful? Thanks for your feedback! Sign Up. What are your concerns? Article Sources. Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

American Psychiatric Association. Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Illnesses, J Sex Marital Ther. Social Networks in Borderline Personality Disorder.

Edel, M. British Journal of Clinical Psychology. Hill J et al. Attachment, borderline personality, and romantic relationship dysfunction.

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