Analyzing why people do the things they do and how those things affect others is one of my favorite pastimes. I enjoy finding solutions. There are many reasons why someone would want to be reclusive. Sometimes it's a natural reaction to life events. What causes a person to voluntarily remove themselves from society and live a life of solitude? They witnessed or became a victim of some horrific act, or something horrible happened to somebody they loved, and they had no control over it.
I live alone with my adult son. I don't watch the news. I don't care about what is going on in the world because its always nothing but cruelty and disaster. Besides, I cant fix it so I don't see the point. Most of my life I have been a caregiver not only with my own family but as a profession.
This world has done despicable things to humanity over land, money, religion, addictions, lack of empathy and race. I love being by myself and living in solitude.
After abuse issues I cannot trust people. I am giving and they use me.
Aug 24, While dating a person who likes his own company means that you may not be out and about every night, those events you do attend together will feel more special. They are self-sufficient. It may feel sometimes that your date doesn't seem to want or . May 19, If this person is a clam, don't be a crowbar. In other words, prying someone open usually doesn't work. It will get you nowhere to demand, plead, or threaten. A gentler approach will get you much further. 2. Realize that for many people, being open is scary. Closed-off people are convinced that being vulnerable invites judgment or rejection. 3.
I share my thoughts and they use it against me. My family has lied and stolen from me. I have few friends and thankful for them. It's better alone where I paint and dream and not be punished for it. I have my stray animals and they love me. Dear Opting Out, I have a friend who's a prison guard and I've heard some stories of the repulsive things some of the prisoners do and also some sad stories about things some of them experienced.
I imagine it's difficult to leave the frustration at the office so to speak. However, somehow she seems happy and puts a lot of her energy into raising well rounded kids. That's always been her number one priority. She has five kids and the youngest has just entered college. Perhaps you know of another guard at your work who might be able to tell you how they manage to keep the two separate.
I was a young girl once and I sure loved my Dad and wanted him to be well. I'm sure your daughters feel the same way about you. We used to sing songs together and I hope he knew how much those times would mean to me for the rest of my life. I think singing together also helped him lighten up from his work day. When you see their smiles, you'll feel appreciated and maybe your wife will start showing her appreciation for you too.
I wish the best for you and your family and I hope you will seek out a counselor or someone to help you all live a happier life. Take Care. I'm rooting for you. Just read most of the posts here and could not agree more. I am 43 years old and have been a jail guard for 21 years. My daily environment at work is depressing to say the least.
Apologise, but, dating a reclusive person right! think, what
I am married with 2 young daughters and an ungrateful wife. I try to escape every day just to be alone with my thoughts. This is my second marrage and will be my last. I avoid people at all costs to avoid conversation. I see the worst of society every day and just want to be in my own world. I also find having less is better and have become a minimalist. For those who share my my views of tuning others out and just focusing on you I say good luck.
These days I feel any time alone is time well spent. Ambercrombie, If you're feeling stressed and anxiety you should definitely talk to someone about it. Shutting yourself off from others at times like this only add to stress and anxiety. Sometimes a mere walk or ride with a friend can help inspire people to laugh a little and let go of the things bringing them down and then they can work on finding things to bring them up and make them feel better. But my stress and anxiety has gotten so overwhelming that it confuses me on making basic choices or decisions on how to deal with everyday life and my surroundings in a way that the "me"a year ago wouldn't dream of being or doing.
Serious need of mental tlc I think. I have been very reclusive,for the last few years. I have very little contact with my children since my divorce many years ago, and when I did, there was only friction involved, so I went my own way. The best thing I ever did. No more nastiness, or back biting. I love my life now, I still go out doing my own thing, but have really little to do with other people.
My friends who I thought were friends, since my divorce are long gone. But I can live without them. I have an old country house and spend my days doing things to improve it. When I go out all I really want is to get back to it. My safe haven of solitude. I really cannot be bothered with people, anymore.
A short discusson, or chat now and then is ok. There is nothing wrong with being reclusive, as I now have a better life than I did before, and am enjoying every moment of it.
Not dating a reclusive person with
Thanks for sharing your experiences "His Highness". I know how you feel about wishing you would have figured it all out earlier in life I'm always saying "if I only knew then what I know now". Sometimes when I think I got it all figured out I get in a slump and I have to pull a and just change things up for a week or two and get back to being me.
Knew I was different than the other kids at the age of six, but struggled as to the reason why. So did a couple of my teachers. Great grades but little success in personal interactions. Great career success but zero long term meaningful relationships. Didn't figure it out until I was in my 40s. Now, I'm a total recluse and staunch minimalist.
I don't even pretend to enjoy social interactions anymore. I know who I am, but it took a loooong time to figure it out as there's always a push and guilt associated with not being social enough. The more social interaction I have, the worse I feel.
Nothing makes me happier than solitude and some good reading material. Cities make me ill so I moved to one of the states with the lowest population density and got as rural as I possibly could. The more stuff I own the worse I feel. I have a chair and a bed and that's the totality of my furniture. I'm considered wealthy but you'd never know it as I own very little and drive a 14 year old vehicle. My entire wardrobe would fit into a couple of medium sized kitchen cabinets.
Luv being a recluse and feel most fortunate to be able to maintain this lifestyle. Minimalism makes me feel great too. I do wish I figured these things out about myself earlier in life however.
I have become a recluse due to abuse i had to endure from a ex his family my family. Thanks for sharing Nelliemy lucky number, lol. I hope you find the peace you're looking for. I'm glad you have others who inspire you to open up.
Am very content with locating this site. Was innocently thinking my thoughts of being able to find comfort in life [recluse] were mine alone. I am at the December of life, and been anxious, upset, honestly afraid, and fed up with having to put on a front that all is ok.
I felt while being over wrung with intrusive thoughts, a peace of sorts, when thinking what if I didn't know certain things happening outside my realm. I am not mentally deficient, thou do suffer a case of depression for years. Not so sure it is chemical, as compared to my fight to accept happenings in life, that as it goes on have been horrific enough for anyone to doubt me. My decision is to start with as much as I can do to protect myself from outside influences.
I find comfort when alone, in my condo. I will be here as humanly possible. Not making calls to family and friends, as can't infringe on my peace, with news I don't want, though, thought relevant, by some. Not to say I won't accept any calls, deemed necessary [children] to my well being, but ready to cut short, if I find disturbing. I am off on my new [I feel peaceful life] to give it a choice try. For my overall wellbeing, need to know how to live as a human being, not feeling the trouble and absolute bad in the world, I am at my end, seeking comfort, and hope this is it.
Bless anyone who understands my situation, and thanks to Cathy kit, and Angefor inspiring me to share, getting my feelings of a long time, exposed, is a catharsis.
I get along with people very easily when I'm in those situations, but because I know I'm ugly, there's no point talking to women. They use me socially to benefit their lives, but what do I get? Why bother. I am reclusive. Go out - come back quick! I worried about the change in me and had two sessions of anxiety management and gave it up. I couldn't deal with opening up to the group? Mistrust I suppose. I do have melt downs.
But do you know I feel safe and ok in my house and love my family and enjoy cooking and making 'their' lives great. I've become a happy recluse since my last divorce, which was the most traumatic experience of my life and I've had plenty.
Husbands were narcissistic, one a hard core addict, another physically abusive. So I finally have solitude, safety and peace.
The need for breaks from them is lasting longer. I'm now avoiding them.
Dating a reclusive person
I enjoy doing solo things outside the house too like antique looking, attending movies, lectures, performances, walking and bicycling. The only time I have to be around people is work.
DATING SOMEONE WHO'S BIPOLAR: WHAT NOT TO DO!
It's tolerable but I really have gotten to love being solo. My daughter graduated college recently and has a very good job. She hangs in her room alot and smokes weed to relax.
Really. All dating a reclusive person are
She seems very angry, and I know she had a hard time at college with nasty roomates and years ago when she was young my sister was not very nice to her and my niece would take all the friends she got close with. She is so good hearted and giving of herself. When we talk she is very fresh to me and tells me to worry about my own life.
We used to laugh and have vacations and just good times, I will never stop worrying about my kids, and I want to have a relationship like before. How do I help? This is so me! Not totally, but close! Been hurt one too many times, will turn you into this person! Live by myself 12 years now and love it! I have had chances, don't get me wrong! Just tired of trying to make everyone I meet, happier, than when I met them! I work on ME, for a change! I slowly became a recluse.
After retiring inI chose carefully the groups I wanted to socialize with. Inmy only living child was sentenced to 30 years to life, his charges were: 2 counts of shooting with the intent to kill. His home is a maximum security facility.
I organized a support group for Families of the Incarcerated and that was a help for families. They told me it was. I am 70 years old now and I still volunteer and I love it.
But, some of the social events, that are offered to me I find time wasting. There are older women complaining about their dead husbands, that were devils, their adult children who neglect them, their grandchildren who only contact them for money and the poor health care they receive.
I think I will just go home and read a good book or watch a movie. Great article and comments. Happy to see so much support and understanding in the comments.
This article helped me realize that I'm somewhat reclusive because it's more comfortable, as opposed to having fear for my safety. This article's mention of not wanting to have to entertain others is relatable to me.
Thank you! I have cptsd from a physical abusive childhood Also ptsd from time served in the army. I am reclusive because I have difficulties forming relationships and trust issues. I am most comfortable alone. This is the price I must pay for failing to return to England in a body bag. I can't wait to be a recluse ive been through so much in the past my whole life has been constant abuse.
I just want to be living on my own. As the great poet Charles Bukowski said, "It's not that I hate people. I just feel better when they're not around. Inadequately feeling that use of the word "I" is too selfish, overused. Worked hard to be a de-greed engineer but after 15 yrs with a utility constantly reorganizing and putting people in charge who set up their own ways of doing business even when it conflicted with company policy.
Forced out early retirement because I did something allowed under previous that embarrassed the political structure. Mo staff meetings, no setting new policy, just lying in wait to pounce when it didn't suit is what they did.
I love this article so much! I can relate to more then a few of your reasons that some of us "opt out" of society as it is. I believe that eventually, your exhaustion with the endless crap that is thrown at you constantly outweighs your desire to keep faith that things will improve or that you will ever be able to "make peace" with the corruption and injustices and whatnot.
Great article! Totoro, Your English is pretty good. I'm sure the people you helped don't care what it was that made you help; they're just happy that you did. That's all that matters.
Most people have interior motives when they do things for others. That doesn't make them bad people. It's okay to do something good and hope that people show appreciation for it.
It's certainly nothing to be ashamed of. I applaud you for helping out when no one else did. I'm a recluse, When i was 15 i witnessed a car accident, many people were around, but funny enough only me went to the car to help. The feeling was great, but after that i went home, thinking about what i did, i said to myself that you helped those people because ppl were around and that you want them to give you an applause because of what you did. Pretty sure that i would still help them if there were no one around, but the thought of wanting ppl to acknowledged good thing i did makes me disgusted myself.
Now i'm 18, whenever i do good things, or just interacting with friends, even though i put my heart and soul to it, i still feel like i'm a superficial human, i feel like i should not have any close relationship with anyone because i don't deserve it, and it's best that i disappeared.
To me being a recluse is one option to avoid calling attention when living in a small town, and being different. I was part of the problem though not too long ago Hi Comfortably Alone, I know what you mean. I don't think what you are experiencing is at all uncommon. Many people feel guilty for the way they behaved or things they said or did perhaps as a result of being immature or they behaved in the manner they did as some rebellious statement against something wrong in their own lives, or even while intoxicated.
The thing is as long as what happened didn't hurt someone down to their soul, I don't think anybody gives any thought at all to the way somebody acted in the past.
Most people forget those things if they weren't directly effected by them and when new, positive actions blur out the negative. And, everybody slips up once in a while. Hopefully, nobody gets hurt in the process. If somebody did get hurt, a heartfelt apology might help everybody heal.
Don't be so hard on yourself. It felt alright at the time, but when I look back on it after it occurs I always feel as though I behaved in a low-class trashy fashion. I don't know if the other person noticed, but maybe I was too boisterous, rambunctious, overenthusiastic, loud, trying to be the center of attention, etc. It's like a constant loop where you wonder why you weren't more demure, accommodating, soft-spoken, cultured, or something of the like. It's as if you're constantly maturing and looking back at how you acted in the past, and you can't STAND IT, but you can't do anything except replay the events over and over and wince.
I lost my looks, my hobbies waned into territory you can't discuss with polite strangers, my interest in this 2o10s decade is minimal at best 90ss rocked betterand I feel I have nothing left to offer and contribute to anybody, and I am constantly humiliated by my past, so the best thing I could do for myself and everybody else was remove myself from the equation.
I dumped all my friends, only leave the house for work, and occasionally I spend time with 1 or 2 cousins. Spending time with strangers or a large crowd can physically exhaust me within 10 minutes, and I don't think I want to talk to strangers anymore anyway.
The rest of the time its just me surrounded by my books and my computer and my hobbies in my room so there's no possible way for me to humiliate myself when I am not interacting with anyone. It makes me less nervous, and I don't have to constantly police my behavior to make sure I am acting with decorum instead of like low-class trash.
Deslandres, I'm so sorry that those have been your experiences with people. My heart goes out to you for the pain you have suffered.
There are many good people in the world who help others and don't take advantage of them. My hope is that we see more of those people and less of the people who do bad deeds and hurt others in the future. I agree that people should be very careful of who they lend money to if they lend any at all.
I wish you and your friend well and I hope you both experience the goodness in others. Take care. My reason for becoming one is simply because people have not only abused me but also mistreated me in other ways over the years. This is a very long story which I won't go into here due to limited room, but believe me, hateful rejection has a lot to do with it.
Also the greed of others and now that people are more all for themselves and won't help others, especially when you have a major need and happen to be disabled and most need something and you wonder why someone like me would avoid most people!
I also have a friend who's also reclusive and because of different problems he had, he can't stand to deal with most people, especially since he deals with a mental disorder. I can't say I'm totally reclusive because there are very few people I will deal with when they prove themselves trustworthy. However, if you have money, be very careful who you hang with and what kind of people you're around lest they take advantage of you and drain you dry!
Even if you look to collect from a very legitimate case, start pulling the purse strings and saving money when you have none so that by time you get your other money you can better support yourself with the one time gift from whatever it is you look to collect from.
Suggest you dating a reclusive person many thanks for
Best yet, enjoy it but don't shell out no money, meaning don't loan money to no one. I was a very popular and happy human all my life. I am now 60 years old and my popularity has faded because I want to be alone for reasons unknown to me. Hi Dom, It's so painful to lose people we love, especially when it's somebody who loved us so completely.
My heart goes out to you at the loss of your Mum. I lost my Mom when I was 17 and I had a similar experience. I still went out with friends often but there was a disconnect in many of my relationships.
I think it was that fear. I hope your therapy helps you to overcome it and to let yourself love without reservations. I have become reclusive recently as I really cannot be bothered with other people. I think it is because I had a tough time with an out of control child and no one helped but everyone criticized and gossiped. Then some one came along who helped immensely with my daughter but he was an alcoholic so came with another set of problems and more nonconstructive criticism took place.
Think I just simply went off humans and decided that I have very little time for them. Does that make sense? I was an only child, and never knew my father as my mum would never talk about him. She sadly passed away from cancer 5 years ago and it's since then that I've slowly withdrawn from socialising with friends. I find it hard to form relationships as I think its the fear of losing someone that I may get close to and perhaps fall in love with.
I'm in one to one therapy currently which is helping somewhat, and I have hope that one day I can be in a place where I can love and trust another person. I am more a recluse than anything elsebeing intuitive and very observant of human natureI will say it is a" safety net" of sorts and a result of perhaps some negative human -social experiences of youth.
On the other hand while I admire many who are very extroverted I see a desperation in that behavior too as I see many who's social life has far outweighed the ability to stick to or develop familial ties. Isn't it just a "six of one half a dozen of the other " There is no greater insult for a writer than to be accused of plagiarizing.
I assure all my readers that my work is original. It is based solely on my own personal experiences, my own analysis or observations of the subject addressed, or a mixture of both.
Thanks Chris, I totally agree with you. People have the right to live their lives any way they choose as long as they are not hurting anybody hopefully not hurting themselves either.
Your comment made me reread my article because I don't think I articulated that being reclusive is sometimes a choice made from preference and that there is nothing wrong with that. I'll have to do some editing to get that in there.
As i read through the comments I noticed as I have in many other articles that people comment that the person is "lonely and or depressed" and i asked myself why so many people believe or think that? Just as society stereotypes us as being "abnormal", those os us that are this way could do the same I, personally, am not depressed, I am less stressed I do gather for quiet social gatherings and for special occasions with a close group of friends, and even organize social gatherings.
However, I do not have the need for constant stimulation day in day out, every weekend, etc. Being in loud, crowded, environments and being bombarded by sights and sounds just brings about sensory overload. There are coworkers who come back on a Monday and talk about their weekend which was filled with an itinerary full of activities and events and I think to myself, "How exhausting! Nor do I believe one needs a huge social network of friends. Really, for those of people who have several hundred friends on Facebook how many of them are actually people who affect their lives?
It's the quality of friends and not quantity. It's about how special occasions should be special and not the norm. It's like the Seinfeld joke about the absurdity about how people always need to be out somewhere to feel fulfilled and as soon as they're out somewhere they want to leave:.
You wanna go to sleep, you wanna get up, you wanna go out again tomorrow, right? Where ever you are in life, it's my feeling, you've gotta go.
I wouldn't call myself a recluse but I sure enjoy my solitude. Like you've pointed out in the last paragraph here, I do claim "Reclusive Rights". Dear Shadow, It breaks my heart to think of you in so much pain. You may be able to find resources to improve your situation or help with the stresses you are feeling by contacting different agencies.
You could start here and I'm sure they will be able to help you figure out where to turn to next. Sometimes it helps to write it down or talk it out but usually it takes some kind of plan to live your best life.
The good thing about this life is that you have some control over it. One thing that has kept me from killing myself is the fear that I could be stuck in conditions much worse with no way to come back. I'm glad your mother is keeping you alive but I hope you find ways to enjoy more of your life. Sending you prayers and hugs. I am on sickness benefit and have no house, savings etc. I am so disillusioned by people that I wish I could buy a house on its own land, away from people and get some healing.
The stress of having horrible neighbours, and sleeping with earplugs every night because of sirens and road noise, is keeping me sick. When I get away from this flat, and these noises I start to relax; then I have to return and quickly get sick again. Short of winning the lotto I'm stuck here. I really hate people, and want out. I cry my heart out every day and beg for death. Cant kill myself though as it will destroy my mother and I dont want to do that.
So i have to grin and bear an unbearable illness and neighbours from hell. Get me away from here and I'll slowly get well again. Kathy, Thanks for sharing your story with me.
I can relate to how you found yourself where you are. Somehow, it seems to sneak up on you with one thing happening after another.
multicoingames.com is the dating site for those of us who really can't stand being around other people. Search for your perfect hermit mate today! I'm a: Looking for a: Within miles of zipcode: Getting started is easy! Just read some of our helpful articles below, and we'll get you into the exciting world of hermit dating in no time! Oct 09, Whereas some people think being alone is some sort of death sentence, for me, it's the best way to live. But the problem with preferring to be alone is that often, non-loners just don't Author: Amanda Chatel. Oct 23, The Importance of Listening to Reclusive People. Whether the desire to be reclusive stems from comfort or fear, it's important to weigh the risks and benefits of getting out in the world or staying in and to analyze which choice, if any, could be looked back on with the least amount of regret. Some reclusive people simply need somebody to help Reviews:
I wish you well. I'm glad I could be of some help. I simply googled Reclusive just now because I wondered why I am the way I am when I was never this way before. I was the social butterfly. I had parties at my home and enjoyed the company of many friends. Several years ago, I was diagnosed with Stage 3 ovarian cancer, and it was the beginning of isolation. When I moved out of state, I didn't have any friends, so it was easier to isolate. Six years ago something very traumatic happened.
I do go to my job, but I am simply an actress on stage. I teach, so it is easy to pretend to be okay. My students think I am a vibrant person. I want to laugh every time they say it. When I was younger, I did have horrible anxiety, but it didn't keep me from being social. In fact, I needed people around me. Anyway, thanks for sharing. It helps. I'm trying; my problem is I have a million things I want to write about and they're all banging into each other.
I need to organize my mind. Better late than never.
It's good to see you. C'mon, get back in the swing. You are missed! I'm sorry I didn't get back to you sooner. I've been busy being reclusive too. I could have written the exact thing you wrote to me every word of it. Hi Paula, I haven't been on here much.
I've been becoming more and more reclusive also I just got this message from you and apparently you wrote it seven months ago. I hope all is good for you. I do miss the interactions I had with you and other hubbers so I really need to get back in the game. Yeah, I think I would have had to make a huge effort to get a laugh out at that t-shirt. I am reclusive now.
I hate winter and won't go out unless I have to. I have lost friends and family in the last year so that is part of it. I have always liked being home. I, at least, would get out and go on short trips with friends. I haven't done that in a long time. My kids are busy so I don't visit them. They call or text, but that is about it. Nowadays they think texting makes it all good. I know I need to get out of this rut I'm in. I just reread this. In 13 months since my original comment, I think I've become even more reclusive.
Of course, it is winter and I don't especially like to venture out when the weather is bad. However, I've proven to myself over the past few years that I truly feel much happier over all by avoiding a lot of interaction. Reading Pablo's comment rings quite familiar to me. We humans have a saturation point. I'll just drop everything immediately and work on YOUR problems. Thanks for commenting pablo; It sounds like you are finally living the peaceful life you deserve.
As a former therapist, I have had enough drama just trying avoid the need to solve problems for other people. I mean that in this by trying to help people learn to cope with their horrors and not kill themselves in the process. Now I am retired, have paid my dues and like being alone, to think, read, paint and joy great music on my headphones. I hate to hear the phone ring and I seldom answer it unless I know it is important. Doctor's offices will leave a message.
I like people, but I have leaned that I cannot save everyone. Hi effer, sorry, I haven't been visiting my hubpages too often and just saw that you wrote me. I haven't even seen the previous message you're referring to. I'm about to start getting back in the game. Now, about that bone you have to pick with me? What I mean by that comment, is that there is a huge stigma with these 2 disorders, I don't want to be stigmatized, I have no choice but to hide. Lynn, thanks for commenting and I hope you can figure it out.
I didn't mean that those specific reasons applied to everyone who becomes reclusive and I have even become aware of other reasons some people become reclusive since I wrote that article. One reason could be that people continually disappoint them or that they feel too much stress thinking that they are a disappointment to others; another reason might be that they lack motivation and possibly don't recognize that they are depressed and lack motivation to get help to overcome it.
I'm sure there are hundreds, if not, thousands, of other reasons. I am seriously considering researching this further and possibly writing a book about it one day. Maybe when my book comes out, I will have discovered something that makes you say, "Aha, that's it! Thanks again. I really appreciate your comment. It has inspired me to look into this further and try harder to be helpful. Even though a recluse can be productive, isolation reeks depression. Cat in a window image available from Shutterstock.
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